i really don't know how i'm feeling much anymore. like i want to be able to say everything is great, but i know i'd jinx it or something. although i just did. everything's a mess but it's okay. everything's okay but it's still a bit messy. it's hard to understand, i know. i'm even having a bit of a hard time. basically, i'm on 6 months probation. which is a no biggie because i don't do anything. but why? like really, because i'm easily influenced. and i'll leave it at that. and i know this sounds crazy (or maybe not) especially if you know me pretty well and/or you've had some civilized or meaningful conversations with me but i am going to be admitted into a state hospital. supposedly i'm miserable. or so she says. she says i'm the most depressed and angriest person she has seen. first, she has plans to put me on ridiculous anti-depressants. i cared at first, for what reason? i don't even know. and then i went to court, and the woman who did my pre-eval (which is a mental evaluation which was ordered because they felt i needed it) recommended that i be put in in-patient care which is going to the hospital. i just have to go to two more doctors. eh, don't care really. other than the fact that i'd be doing everything in front of people and i don't know... it would be a little weird. so obviously,i have problems. not just these, but obviously past problems. but i'm good... like really good. this is the longest i've been content. but when will i be happy?